Years ago, rising in the AM initiated presence in my body. Opening my eyes to see my hands, then using them to wipe the energy of slumber from the top of my head to my waist — something I picked up from an Ayurvedic practitioner. The iPhone that accompanied most through their morning rituals was neglected for the first hour of mine. The bathroom was first on my list. Rinsing my mouth with raw coconut oil once my tongue had been scrapped of the white film that inevitably accumulates. Greeting myself with an acknowledgement of being alive. Letting my body and mind slowly arrive into the world for another day.
Months ago, rising in the AM initiated the drama of my life. Dreading opening my eyes to a soulless room, an exhausted space, and a crying babe. The iPhone co-sleeping and playing womb sounds, in hopes of gaining more zzz’s. It worked occasionally. Hoping to find time to rinse my body of the culmination of must hiding in my armpit hair. Looking for the energy to motivate myself to begin another day.
Hours ago, rising in the AM, initiated by tugs on my nipple and smacks in the face. Reluctantly opening my eyes to see a smaller set of eyes gazing into mine — wondering. The iPhone that was once neglected is almost immediately reached for in hopes to escape the reality of routine. Holding my piss until my body forgets it even exists. Luckily, the smaller set of eyes has filled her diaper beyond the rim with piss that flows onto the mattress. That’ll get me up. Greeting myself with sighs. Letting my daughter dictate the pace of another day.
Minutes ago, rising from a [yoga] practice that I have finally returned to, initiating the remembrance of presence in this changing body. Opening my heart to peace for all beings, focusing on those I don’t think deserve it. Letting the worry of limited time be left behind, attempting to trust my pace. Refusing to let the iPhone that easily distracts me inch its way into my will. Promising to use my time in another way today.
Seconds ago, noticing rumbles in my tummy — something that I’d ignore only a few years before, trying to train a body to stop asking for more. As I become more available to myself, I’m accepting of the needs for change and the willingness to do so. It’s a constant practice to be present and non-judgmental. Trusting myself more and being gentle.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
Abby xx