What Will We See?

welcoming another cycle of unknown blessings

It’s nice to be needed. Innocent grabs at my fingers and requests for hugs. Closed gaps between us in bed because she needs my warmth and smell. A quick pinch of my skin to take her back to dreamland. Seconds after a whiny reach, she’s regulated and smacking my face away from hers saying “I don’t want cuddles anymore.” Well, O.K. It’s nice to be needed sometimes. Motherhood lending to purpose—I belong here. To tend to her. To be consistent. To show up raw and unrelenting. To be the best mother myself.

I’m not a big fan of constant logic. Motherhood exists mostly outside of logic for me. I’ve spent countless breaths talking in circles attempting to rationalize why I feel something must be the way it is, only to find that it’s “because I said so.” There’s no true logic in that. It’s a statement of get it done or and leave me alone. Feelings that are meant to inspire inexplicable movement can be scary. But, once the fear of moving differently fades, clearer perspective offers direction and comfort in the reality of constant change.

Babe has begun singing to me. She creates cadences that resemble the ones she’s heard from friends, shows and family. Committed to repeating what she hears, she sings ones that she thinks she knows the words to. This has proven hazardous as she has also begun repeated things that should not leave a child’s mouth. Twinkle twinkle little star becomes word soup towards the end. Same with the alphabet and really any other song that proves complicated for toddler tongues. These sprightly songs have become bells of mindfulness to me. Breathing in, I am breathing in. Breathing out, I am breathing out. Breathing in, I am listening to growth. Breathing out, I am giggling at the added syllables. Breathing in, I love my baby. Breathing out, in gratitude for my baby.

2025 Alphabet Poem

Action

Better yet

Commitment.

Dialogue that

Exponentially

Funnels

Growth

However hard

It is

Just surviving.

Kicking

Loose

Momentarily, and

Not

Overthinking

Problematic

Quarrels that bring

Ratifications.

Stop

Thinking, talking and taking

Useless nonsense, unless

Very

Warranted.

Xerox

Your

Zeros (especially when after other numbers).

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, 2024.

GODSPEED 2025.

What will we see?

xx Abby